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Hi everyone, here’s a guest post from the insightful Ben Dattner, of Dattner Consulting, and author of The Blame Game, on how organizations can harness the strengths of their introverted employees. Do you have other ideas to add? Would love to hear them. In the meantime, here’s Ben:

“The fantastic success of Susan Cain’s Quiet demonstrates that she has  tapped into something very important in our culture and our society at this moment in history.

Inevitably, corporations and many other kinds of organizations will realize the implications of Susan Cain’s work for their practices and cultures. Here are some very preliminary suggestions of what organizations might do  to better “hear” introverts who may be “quiet” but still have tremendous value that they bring to the workplace each day:

- Examine “competency models” and performance appraisal systems criteria to ascertain whether there is a bias towards evaluating and rewarding extroverted behaviors over introverted behaviors.

- Write comprehensive job descriptions that inform people how much interaction, networking, collaboration and advocacy are required in positions before candidates take the jobs. This will enable introverts to self-select out of jobs that they might not thrive in. “Realistic job previews” in general are very useful.

- Utilize feedback mechanisms, such as online surveys or other kinds of anonymous “suggestion” boxes, wherein introverts can feel comfortable sharing feedback and suggestions that they might not feel comfortable sharing in a public forum.

- Employ “polling” or similar strategies to solicit and consider the perspectives of all members of the team or organization, so everyone has a voice, even if they are reluctant to fight for attention in a public setting.

- Ask members of a team if they would like time on a meeting agenda in advance of the meeting, so that more introverted team members can influence the agenda in advance without feeling like they have to be “the squeaky wheel” in a meeting or to compete for airtime.

- Structure debates so that members of a team have an opportunity to argue “pro” or “con” any given issue or strategy in subteams. While an introvert may not feel comfortable soliciting support and loudly advocating a point of view, he or she might be comfortable participating in a discussion in a smaller team.

The above suggestions are meant to be a point of departure, and not a point of arrival. Corporations and other kinds of organizations, of any size and in the US and abroad, can benefit from thoughtful consideration of Susan’s excellent book and how much it is resonating with so many people.”

If you’d like to hear more from Ben, you can find him here.

*In other news, I’m afraid that in a previous blogpost on happiness, I used an excellent cartoon by Andrew Matthews on the nature of happiness, without crediting him or asking his permission. My apologies, Andrew! More happily, I’ve since checked out more of Andrew’s work, and it’s really quite wonderful. I won’t post it here, but here’s a link if you’re curious.

 

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Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack in everything

That’s how the light gets in.

–Leonard Cohen, from “Anthem”

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Hi everyone,

Take a look at this Anderson Cooper interview of Adele, on her discomfort with fame — and her stage fright:

(Plenty of extroverts suffer stage fright too, of course, and some introverts love the stage — but see what you think.)

“Adele: I wanted to be a singer forever. But it’s not really my cup of tea. Having the whole world know who you are.

Cooper: It’s not your cup of tea?

Adele: No. I find it quite difficult to think that there’s, you know, about 20 million people listening to my album that I wrote very selfishly to get over a breakup. I didn’t write it being that it’s going to be a hit….

Cooper: The other baffling thing about Adele is that – despite being known for the power of her live concerts – in front of audiences she experiences near crippling stage fright.

Cooper: How does it manifest itself?

Adele: It starts from the minute I wake up. If I know I’ve got a show, it starts. I mean, I just try and putter around and keep myself busy and stuff like that. And then I got to go down and sit in the chair for a couple hours, have my hair and makeup done.

Adele: But it has gotten worse as I’m becoming more successful. My nerves. Just because there’s a bit more pressure and people are expecting a lot more from me.

Cooper: So what’s that fear?

Adele: That I’m not going to deliver. I’m not going to deliver. That I’m not going to– people aren’t going to enjoy it. They’re– they’re going to– that I’ll ruin their love for my songs by doing them live. I feel sick. I get a bit panicky.

Cooper: Have you ever thrown up?

Adele: Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. A few times.

Cooper: Really?

Adele: Yeah. Projectile. Yeah. ‘Cause it just comes (makes noise) it just comes out. It does….”

———————————————————————–

OK, so how many of you know what Adele’s talking about? (I am raising my own hand.) Thank goodness I’ve moved beyond the projectile vomiting phase of dealing with my own stage fright, but I so relate to Adele’s determined puttering on the day of an appearance.

Speaking of which: here is the latest news from the QUIET Book Tour:

QUIET is on the New York Times Bestseller List for the second week in a row, at #5!

WHYY’s “Radio Times”: my one-hour interview on WHYY Radio.

Fortune Magazine: Why Silence is Golden:  The Weekly Read.  A review of QUIET, and a look at introverts in the workplace .

Ladies Home Journal: a wonderful Q and A.

Buffalo News: Terrific review of QUIET.

Courier-Journal: discusses QUIET and the role of introverts in it’s What’s Hot section.

Cleveland Plain Dealer: lovely review of QUIET.

Reuters:  Very nice review of QUIET.

Metro NY: Why It’s OK to be an Introvert.

QUIET is now the #1 Hardcover Nonfiction bestseller on the Heartland Indie Bestseller List, and debuted at #10 on the LA Times bestseller list.

THANKS AS ALWAYS for all your support.

 

 

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Ever since I started blogging about introversion a year ago, I’ve received literally thousands of notes from police officers and pastors, from schoolteachers and artists and stay-at-home moms. Here’s one reader’s story that captures the kinds of responses I’ve been getting:

“I pursued a promotion at work and was told ‘You’re smart, you have great ideas, and you have done great things for our hospital. Unfortunately you are too quiet for the job.’ I am a nurse, I just obtained my Master’s in nursing administration and I have a research paper that has been submitted for publication in an international nursing journal. It frustrates me that I have to fight tooth and nail for everything simply because I am ‘quiet.’”

A minority of letters are from introverts who are happy to be themselves, and have never felt pressured to conform to extroverted norms.

Judging from her February 12 review of QUIET in the New York Times Book Review, Judith Warner, a self-described introvert, falls into this latter group. But without any evidence, she asserts that most other introverts do too. Perhaps those who work in corporate boardrooms suffer a bias against their personality style, she concedes. But other introverts are “quite contented with who they are and… feel the world has been good to them.” If only I had “spent more time in research laboratories, for example, or among economists, rather than businessmen and –women,” I would “undoubtedly” have realized this.

Ironically, as I sat down to write this post last Saturday (I saw an early copy of Warner’s review), a tweet arrived in my inbox from a molecular biologist:

“reading your book- and tearing up at the recognition of how, to this day, I still feel something is wrong with me (but I am slowly getting to the acceptance stage of it – and just being who I am.)”

It was followed on Tuesday by a letter from, yes, an economics professor, who said that the book helped him understand himself for the first time, and that he’s ordered extra copies for his students.

While researching QUIET, I interviewed hundreds of introverts from all walks of life who told me much the same thing as these two letter-writers. And in the past few weeks I’ve had the chance to address audiences who work in exactly the sorts of fields Warner imagines are safe havens for introverts: economists at the U.S. Treasury, scientists at the research firm Noblis, librarians (librarians!) at the American Library Association, and engineers at Google and Microsoft. Most people in these audiences identified themselves as introverts, and at each event they lined up afterwards to tell me privately about their own difficult experiences in a world, and a workplace, that favors extroverts. Many said they’d never felt permission to express these things aloud.

Warner also maintains that by the end of QUIET I’ve widened the definition of introversion to include “all that is wise and good” — and here she quotes from a list of traits I included in an Authors Note at the end of the book: “reflective, cerebral, bookish, unassuming, sensitive, thoughtful, serious, contemplative, subtle, introspective, inner-directed, gentle, calm, modest, solitude-seeking, shy, risk-averse, thin-skinned.”

I doubt that most readers think that being shy, risk-averse, thin-skinned, and unassuming counts as everything wise and good. But putting this aside, Warner badly misunderstands the point of the Authors Note, which explains why I chose to write about traits such as shyness and sensitivity in a book about introversion. At its heart, my book addresses introversion from a cultural point of view. It’s about the age-old dichotomy between the “man of action” and the “man of contemplation,” and how the world would be a better place if we valued the two types equally. The list of adjectives Warner quotes are how I described the classical “man of contemplation.” My point wasn’t that introversion is identical to shyness, sensitivity, or the other traits I listed, or that all introverts are necessarily risk-averse or modest, but that culturally these traits have always been bound together under the “contemplation” rubric, and need to be addressed as such. Throughout the book I took pains to identify which trait I was discussing at any given time.

(Incidentally, I listed an equally mixed bag of desirable and unflattering traits under the “man of action” rubric: “ebullient, expansive, sociable, gregarious, excitable, dominant, assertive, active, risk-taking, thick-skinned, outer-directed, lighthearted, bold, and comfortable in the spotlight.”)

I believe that introverts living under the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man’s world, and that introverts today are roughly where Western women were in the 1950s and 60s – too often discounted because of an attribute that goes to the core of who they are, but poised on the edge of great change. Judith Warner’s reaction to QUIET has an interesting precedent in the early years of feminism. Many women were eager to start a conversation that would lead to real social change. But a distinct minority felt proud and content as they were, and couldn’t see what all the fuss was about.

This minority was speaking their own truth, and that is a good and legitimate thing to do. But their personal experiences didn’t make sexism any less real.

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Devoted as I am to the QUIET Revolution, I must admit that sometimes it is really weird to be constantly seen through the lens of introversion. Wherever I go now, that is the first thing people think about me: Here comes the introvert!

Adam McHugh, author of Introverts in the Church, went through a similar experience when his book came out. For today’s post, he shares just what it’s like:

The Introvert Brand 

I wrote a book called Introverts in the Church, and I swear that it is a serious book. I didn’t realize I would have to remind people of this when it was published. But one of the first book reviews, written by a dear friend and mentor, began like this: “Introverts in the Church. No, this isn’t a joke.” And here I thought the title was significantly less funny than other working titles I played with:

• Introverts in the Shack
• Three Cups of Tea…By Myself
• Outliers: Introvert Edition
• Introverts in the Hands of an Extroverted God
• Good to Introvert
• Girl Meets Introvert, Keeps Looking
• The Life You’ve Never Wanted
• Left Behind, and Happy About It

Surprisingly, my publisher rejected those title options. I had thought we settled on a boring but descriptive option, but apparently my book title also works as a punch line.

As many authors can attest, however, after a few months of talking nonstop about your book topic, you get the writer’s equivalent of the late-night giggles. Everything becomes a punch-line. You catch yourself applying the topic of your book to every conceivable situation. I started seeing introverts the way Haley Joel Osment sees dead people. As I poured the milk on my cereal, I pondered, “I wonder what type of cereal introverts prefer? Shredded Wheat has a lot of substance and depth, but Lucky Charms has layers of meaning, and the more you eat it, the more you learn about it.” Then you realize that you’re psychoanalyzing your cereal and you seriously consider pouring the leftover green-colored milk over your head. Yes, I went with Lucky Charms. I’m an Irish introvert. We’re magically delicious.

It doesn’t help when people you encounter in social media tend to reduce you to your book topic. Once I was asked to write a blog post on how introverts and extroverts can partner in ending the international orphan crisis. Granted this is one of the pressing global issues of our time, but is the fact that I need to retreat into solitude after extended social interaction really a significant factor in solving it?

Another time I tweeted that my book was selling better on Kindle than in paperback, and the first response was “Maybe introverts are just thrifty.” I’ve received a few Facebook birthday wishes that said “Happy Birthday, introvert.” Or there was the time I confessed that in college we smuggled in a student from another school to be our flag football quarterback (he was the brother of a friend and also just happened to be a Heisman trophy candidate that year) and someone replied “Totally sounds like something an introvert would do.”

This happens in real life too. I haven’t received as many speaking invitation as some of my peers, and I’m convinced it’s because people assume that I, as a self-acknowledged introvert, will be a train wreck of a public speaker, and that I may not even be willing to leave the house. Once, when I did miraculously venture out to meet with a prominent pastor and bestselling author (to protect his identity I’ll call him “John O. or “J. Ortberg”), he told me: “We made sure you would interact with as few people as possible on your walk from the church lobby to my office.”

Because of all this, it’s unclear to me whether this introvert thing is a genius piece of branding (in addition to being, you know, my personality type) or else an inescapable straitjacket that will limit me and make me a bit of a joke. In twenty years, will people say, “That book really changed things in church culture and Adam has become a significant voice”? Or will they say, in a sexy deep voice: “Adam McHugh: he is the most introverted man in the world. He doesn’t always go to church, but when he does, he prefers not to talk to you.”

Time will tell. Let me know what happens. I’ll be at home.

Adam S. McHugh is a writer, Presbyterian pastor, spiritual director, hospice chaplain, and the author of Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture. He has been published in The Christian Century and The Washington Post and is working on a second book that he wants his publisher to call The Listening Life. He is also going to be a guest chaplain in the U.S. House of Representatives on February 28th and is already nervous about it.

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Hi everyone,

Writing this from the plane — I’m finally returning to my family after a few days on the West Coast. If you were in the San Francisco airport early this morning, I was the one hauling gigantic, bleeping, honking toy garbage trucks through the terminal. The batteries from this trip’s batch of presents for the kids were, unfortunately, included.

During the past couple of days I gave talks at Microsoft and Google. Incredible experience — the audience at both companies was so keen and so thoughtful. If any of you are reading this: THANK YOU! Next week, I’m off to Washington D.C, to speak to the U.S. Treasury and Noblis.

And now, for my usual recommendations for the weekend:

1.Ward Sutton’s Drawn to Read, from the Barnes and Noble Review: This is a review and distillation of QUIET –in graphic novel form. And I swear I’d recommend it even if it had nothing to do with my book. It’s absolutely genius, and hilarious, and I am now Ward Sutton’s #1 fan.

So here are two more of his reviews:

2. Ward Sutton, on “That Used to be Us,” by Thomas Friedman and Michael Mandelbaum.

3. Ward Sutton, on “Everyone Loves You When You’re Dead,” by Neil Strauss.

And now, here are some of the latest highlights from the QUIET media blitz:

–QUIET will debut at #4 on the New York Times Bestseller Lists and #3 on the Washington Post Bestseller List!

–My NPR interview (which I discussed earlier in the week) generated a lot of attention and turned out to be the station’s #1 most recommended segment. NPR’s All Things Considered hosts Melissa Block and Audie Cornish also highlighted QUIET again in a separate segment, reading aloud outspoken emails from introverts.

–The Washington Post: Q&A session with ‘On Parenting’ blog author Janice D’Arcy.

–Newsday: Q&A session I did with the fabulous Charlotte Abbott about QUIET.

–Fortune.com discusses QUIET in their article entitled Can Introverts Succeed in Business, and Andrew Keen praised QUIET in his very smart CNN.com opinion piece, We Must Avoid Facebook’s ‘Creepy’ Cult of Transparency.

–MediaBistro.com: Brief review of QUIET after its debut at #3  on the IndieBound Hardcover Nonfiction Bestseller List.

I’m also thrilled to report that QUIET debuted at the #2 hardcover nonfiction spot on the Heartland Indie Bestseller List!

Whew, that’s all for now. Hope you have a great weekend!

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A few weeks ago, my friend Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project asked me five questions about happiness. Thought you might like to see my answers.

But first, I have some very happy news to share with you. I just found out that QUIET will debut at #4 on the New York Times Bestseller List!!! Thank you, dear readers, for making this happen.

 

And now, for some thoughts on happiness:

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Me: Writing. I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was four years old. But as a grown-up, I trained myself to love my work by doing all my writing in a sunny café window while sipping on a latte and snacking on chocolate. Over time, I came to associate writing with the pleasures of that window seat. These days, I don’t need the coffee or chocolate, or even the café—though they still help! But I love the feeling of entering into my inner world. It’s like going through a magic portal every time I sit at my laptop.

Gretchen: What is your most surprising way of feeling happy?

Me: Recently I’ve been thinking about a state I call the “happiness of melancholy.” Why do supposedly sad things, like minor key music or the evanescence of cherry blossoms, make us happy? I think they help us appreciate the fragile beauty of life and love.

To read the rest of my happiness interview with Gretchen, please go here.

More news from the ongoing QUIET media blitz coming soon. Stay tuned!

What are your thoughts about happiness — what it is, and how to achieve it?