“Networking for Introverts” — in which I chat with the lovely Marie Forleo on MarieTV.
Want more stories like this?
Enter your email address in the box below and I’ll send you all my favorites!
Video source: MarieForleo.com
More like this: My YouTube Channel
Once again Susan Cain has hit the nail on the head and eloquently provides a voice for my quiet children! I will, again, forward this to their teachers in hopes that they realize just because they don’t shout out answers, constantly offer their opinion, etc. doesn’t mean they aren’t participating!!! Given their grades you’d think the teachers would recognize that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU SUSAN!!!
Christine, I was one of those kids you are talking about! I was always accused of not participating, but when called upon, I always had the right answer. Back in the 60′s when I was beginning school, they didn’t know what to make of it. They administered a series of tests, and gave me a speech teacher (I had no problem speaking- I just didn’t want to) to figure out what was “wrong” with me. I remember them talking to my mother about it in front of me as if i wouldn’t understand what they were talking about. I passed all the tests handily and the speech teacher said I spoke perfectly. They were left dumbfounded and didn’t know what to do with me. I wanted to tell them just leave me alone and let me be who I am but my 6 year old brain combined with my introversion couldn’t get the words out. I hope things have changed in the schools since then and there is more understanding for kids of all types, but something tells me it hasn’t.
Hi Christine, I was just reading your comments. Susan is doing some really groundbreaking work here! Being introverted is so stigmatized in society, isn’t it? It almost made me angry when I was recently walking past a mother talking to another mother as he had just talked to the class teacher who’d said her kid was doing absolutely fine at school, *but* she was too quiet. Another comment that bothered me was a comment in my kid’s school report which said “he’s a popular *but* quiet member of the class”. It’s that *but* that is bothering me. It’s particularly bothering me because I am an introvert myself, so I’ve been there too. Although I had good grades at school, I still remember the negative remarks in my school report along the lines of “but she’s too quiet and she should participate more in class”. It really made me believe after a while there was something very fundamentally wrong with me and this made me act out of character in situations that I now hate thinking about. It’s because as a kid you tend to believe what adults tell you. Thanks for your comments here on this forum. And thank you in particular to Susan for the amazing work she’s doing!!
I am either an ambivert, somewhere in the middle, or an introvert that has learned to be somewhat extroverted. For example, speaking or selling do not scare me (partly because I’ve had training), but when I work, I prefer quiet rather than music playing in the background.
The two strategies I liked were the idea of the quota system and the idea of finding just a person or two at a networking event and calling it good because. The idea of reframing a lot of things that have been ruled by extroverts is cool too. I will get getting your book soon and can’t wait to read it! Thank you for the work you’re doing.
I felt so freed by “When you’re ready to fly don’t deny!” When I’m done, I’m just done and if I take care of myself I am good …. if not not so much … so thank you for that!
Marie and Susan, thanks so much for doing this video. Tons of great info. If I had pick one thing that really resonated with me it’s the “decision-free living” concept you talked about.
As you say, making decisions is so mentally and emotionally taxing. But when you have things planned out in advance where you don’t have to think about them, it allows you to conserve more energy for creative purposes.
Thanks again. Great video.
The word “networking” terrifies me. I liked the concept of “finding kindred spirits” but even doing that is a little foreboding. I actually enjoy social situations when I know a fair amount of people already. And if people are enjoying themselves, I can usually hang for quite awhile before getting drained. It is the professional scenarios that I find most difficult - conferences, seminars, etc where you find yourself in a room full of people that you don’t know. Even though we all have something in common (field of work), I still find it difficult to approach people. Small talk is the worst… but it seems that is where we must start in most cases.
I really like the idea of “kindred spirits”. I dread the way our company pushes networking but like the idea that I may be searching for someone I was destined to meet. Moves it from a chore to an adventure.
I love reframing the concept of networking as “finding kindred spirits”. I’ve worked in business all my life, and for a good part of this time in sales. I sell a consumable product, so the clients I work with I see on an ongoing basis. I can tell you in this market I do not want to sell everyone, only those what will be exceptionally successful. This is where the kindred spirit becomes so critical. When I meet a new prospective client, they are learning about me, but guess what, I am also learning about them. I look for those that have an eye for value, are loyal, stable, and believe it or not, gratitude is so important. Whenever I find someone inclined to say “thank you” I wrap my arms around them and never let go! Gratitude may be the foundation for loyalty. We all want more sales, but the best sales come from kindred spirits! Find these and you’ll have a customer for life. It’s what we all hope for.
Both of these women are inspiring! I especially love the reframing of the idea of networking into finding kindred spirits. Beautiful! Networking has always seemed to me in practice a game of “making others think you’re interested in them when really you just want something from them.” Finding others who actually care about others, who have integrity and are honest is refreshing! These are people I want to connect with!
Thanks for this, Susan! I like the idea of finding kindred spirits at networking events, too. It’s funny, that’s actually what I naturally do anyway…although now I won’t feel guilty for “only” talking to one or two people rather than working the room like others. It’s quality over quantity. Also, I’ve also been picking and choosing which networking events to go to; often the ones at bars in the evening (when I’m often feeling drained) are not appealing…especially the ones where 50 people have RSVP’d. Giving myself permission to be me and not force myself to be someone I’m not.
I love the interview! I just picked up your book and am half way through and am finding this whole introvert discussion fascinating and very valuable. I love that it is allowing introverts to finally actually understand themselves and feel good about who they are and why they are this way.
I love the quote “in a gentle way you can shake the world” and also love the kindred spirit concept. The Quiet Revolution sounds fabulous! I’m excited to see the speaking and communication resources that come out of it!
I’m not so much a fan of “acting out of character”. Instead I think we need to get to the point when we feel relaxed and calm enough and can be just the way we are without faking it.
I am an introvert and I used to feel very anxious when socializing and used to fake it and act out of character. I found it to be too demanding and just way too exhausting. Once I discovered that I actually have this inherited and little-understood condition called pyroluria, I started to use daily zinc, vitamin B6 and evening primrose oil to keep my social anxiety symptoms in check! I used to only like interacting with one person at a time and now I’m totally comfortable in a crowd.
Before finding your book I had read the Huffpo 23 signs you’re an introvert article and was so intrigued this that I blogged about this possible introvert-pyroluria connection
http://www.everywomanover29.com/blog/anxious-introvert-because-of-low-zinc-and-vitamin-b6/ I list the 23 introversion traits and the 42 pyroluria questions and I’ve had a lot of people comment and say they are also seeing a connection.
Imagine if this is the solution for other introverts who have a tough time socializing? Imagine no more acting out of character or faking it!
Trudy Scott, Food Mood Expert, Nutritionist, author of “The Antianxiety Food Solution”