Quote from marblesky on Jun 12, 2012, 4:56pm
As a teenager, I dealt with years of extreme insecurity. During those years, I shut myself off from establishing friendships with my peers. I was more afraid of the risk of social rejection, than the opportunity for forming meaningful relationships with others; naturally, I put myself in exile before anyone else could do so.
Adolescence is difficult for most of us and what you describe is typical if it is not extreme.
Six quiet years went by before I felt suffocated by my own hand. Frustrated and aching to take part in all the drinking/partying/young + blissful ways of living that I felt I had missed out on in high school and in the first two years of university, I took on a job that forced me to speak in public. To boot, my coworkers were all from the vein of young, cool, witty, extroverted type I've always longed to associate with…
Did it cross your mind that their posturing of being "cool, witty" etc. is in itself a form of insecurity? If so, then you realize that 'their world' is no more secure than yours.
I got my chance to join "their" world. But that opportunity quickly faded when I opened my mouth and I soon realized that I had nothing to say, no stories to share and no words to even articulate even the things I was required to talk about in my job. They quickly saw right through me and boxed me back into my former cell-for-one.
I've accepted the fact that I probably don't mesh with these people, and that's fine. I will encounter more people in my life. I'm still young. But I'm sick of feeling like I have thoughts that I can't express, because I've become so terrible at talking.
No, you boxed yourself back in because you allowed yourself to become intimidated by others. "No one can make you feel inferior without giving them your permission." Having nothing to say is not the problem. Not being able to say anything when you DO have something to say IS a problem.
How can this obligate introvert become an eloquent introvert?
Get a copy of When I Say No I Feel Guilty by Manuel Smith, PhD. Read the entire book and focus on the chapters that describe "free information" which is a guide for learning how to make conversation with others. But it is not enough to just know how to do something. To develop any skill, it takes practice and persistence.