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troubled hence shyThu, 21 Aug 2014 19:01:28 +0000Although Ms. Cain makes persuasive arguments for shy people being normal, what about people who are shy because they aren't normal? I'm thinking about people who have been traumatized into shyness, and with supportive environments, become much more outgoing. I wonder if shyness because of trauma should be in a different category.http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=409.0#postid-1152&guid=1152
I made a meditation timer app geared towards introverts. It\'s free.Wed, 20 Aug 2014 09:09:54 +0000I hope this is not too intrusive to post here but I think the app was made for introverts sensibilities and I just wanted to share it with fellow introverts.
I made this meditation timer app because I wanted to have something that is subtle, unobtrusive and quiet. Especially visually quiet.
There are many great meditation timers on the App Store and each one of them will help people meditate. However, I wanted something that has very few buttons and colours, and a consistent gesture-based flow for the most used tasks. I felt this would aid my meditation rather than distract from it. After several iterations, I think it's reached a mature state and I now use it every day.
It's free (even all the pro features, like logging and statistics with graphs). I would just love people to try it and see if it's useful to them. Of course, any comments are also welcome.
Have a look/download from <a >http://itunes.apple.com/app/id829598358</a>
Re: Speaking for IntrovertsWed, 13 Aug 2014 13:42:01 +0000Hi Tammy,
I haven't gotten to that point in the book yet, but I am eager to do so. I am decidedly introverted, but have also taught and mentored students in public speaking for ... sheesh, about seven years formally and well over a decade informally.
What I would recommend is to start with <strong>reading</strong> a short piece out loud, in order to get used to the sound of your voice and standing in front of people. If you Google "12th grade reading level" you can find reading comprehension texts that are great for this purpose. This would also be a good time to start with articulation exercises and noticing inflection.
Next I would suggest writing a short piece of your own and memorizing it as a <strong>presentation</strong>. This also gets you into the mindset of structuring your analysis in such a way that you can present it clearly. One of the difficulties I had was getting the great ideas I had inside my head out into the world. When you have the piece memorized you can focus on making it powerful and persuasive (and there are some good tricks for memorizing).
Last of all--and this is an exercise even a lot of extroverts balk at--is to get more comfortable speaking <strong>extemporaneously</strong>: no notes, no (or very little) time to prepare. This sounds insurmountable, but I know it's possible because I've done it and helped others to. This involves a little bit of putting on an extrovert mask, but it is great practice for those times when you're forced to speak before you have time to consider and prepare a thorough answer (i.e., to act against your natural tendencies). Sometimes we're stuck with that, and it's good to know some strategies for how to handle it.
I'm happy to help out however I can. If this could be helpful, please don't hesitate to drop me a line at <a href='mailto:email@example.com'>firstname.lastname@example.org</a> and we can figure out ways for you all to practice.
Re: Creating a Local NetworkMon, 11 Aug 2014 02:23:53 +0000Blue Stockings Society comes to mind. I read somewhere these were formed to bring women together to discuss topics to inject the truth of wisdom into them which were being devoured by rumor mills and gossip. They were also formed in Massachusetts during the weeks leading up to the Revolution I found three different meetup groups with bluestocking in their name.http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=230.0#postid-1148&guid=1148
Re: less niceSun, 10 Aug 2014 21:22:44 +0000<blockquote><strong>Quote from TomB on Aug 10, 2014, 3:14pm</strong>
Google "civility decline america". There's plenty of writing about this topic online.
My opinion is that human nature hasn't changed much over the last 10,000 years. People just act like people. And writers have been complaining about declining manners and civility periodically for the past several thousand years. I remember a high school teacher reading my class a short piece where the writer was complaining about children not respecting their elders, everyone being greedy, and people just not being nice anymore. He asked us when we thought it had been written and we all guessed relatively recently. Turns out it was a translation of an ancient clay tablet from thousands of years ago.</blockquote>
Yes, our human nature is forever with us.
Or, might it be that what we call our 'human nature' is actually more a part of our animal nature than we care to admit? After all, we are all human, despite our animal beginnings, and we are a mix of both, human and animal. But as humans, we can rise above being and acting like mere animals.
Being "nice" won't solve the problems of this world. Being "nice" is fine in reciprocation for those who appreciate niceness. But not everyone does. If you are nice to those who cannot or do not appreciate courtesy, they will read you as an easy mark and attempt to dominate you. They know nothing else but that way. That's aggression.
Lions are not lambs. "The lion may lie down with the lamb, but the lamb won't get much sleep".
Be nice to those who are nice to you. Learn to be assertive. Navigating our way through life is about recognizing those who appreciate and are deserving of niceness (or kindness), and those who are not. There is wisdom in understanding the difference. :-)http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=230.0#postid-1147&guid=1147
Re: less niceSun, 10 Aug 2014 15:14:11 +0000Google "civility decline america". There's plenty of writing about this topic online.
My opinion is that human nature hasn't changed much over the last 10,000 years. People just act like people. And writers have been complaining about declining manners and civility periodically for the past several thousand years. I remember a high school teacher reading my class a short piece where the writer was complaining about children not respecting their elders, everyone being greedy, and people just not being nice anymore. He asked us when we thought it had been written and we all guessed relatively recently. Turns out it was a translation of an ancient clay tablet from thousands of years ago.http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=330.0#postid-1146&guid=1146
Re: Your Big Box of MusicMon, 04 Aug 2014 21:56:26 +0000I love the banjo! Just an amazing, amazing instrument.
I resonated with your story -- I used to make art in my youth and into my early 20s. Have not done it in years but am slowly working back to it (hopefully). At least, am working to mentally ALLOW myself to make art again.
I'd love to hear one of your banjo songs!http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=407.0#postid-1145&guid=1145
Re: Life Changing BookSat, 02 Aug 2014 23:55:46 +0000Here's something for you to think about:
Being introverted is not a psychological problem.
Feeling guilty is a psychological problem.http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=407.0#postid-1144&guid=1144
Life Changing BookSat, 02 Aug 2014 18:44:30 +0000Thank you, thank you for writing this book. I had heard about it, but it wasn't until I was about to check out and saw it on the library's "best picks" shelf that I picked it up. I truly believe an angel from heaven placed your book there just for me. I was headed out of town to a quiet (ironically) get away in a cabin with my husband for 2 days, and devoured your book cover to cover in the peaceful cocoon of the woods just north of Mt. Rainier. I always knew I was an introvert, but had so thoroughly bought into the extrovert ideal throughout my life that many of my acquaintances probably assume that I am most at home in the limelight.
I grew up in a pastor's home and now I'm a pastor's wife. The church world, as you eloquently explained in chapter two, is geared toward extroverts, like schools and the workforce. But, in my opinion, spiritually minded, church-going introverts are under a more powerful pressure to conform to extroversion because we have an added, extra special God-flavored guilt. If we don't attend Bible studies, community groups, or affinity groups, we are worse than just anti-social, we are sinning. Everyone knows that personal growth happens in community, and if you shun community, you are turning your back on God.
My husband and I are at the tail end of a 12-week sabbatical from church - the first real break we've had since we began the church 10 years ago. For the first few weeks of our sabbatical, I was elated; I mean over-the-moon, free-as-a-bird elation. I didn't have to do coffee with anyone, go to a baby shower, attend a retreat, go to book club or Bible study for three whole months! No one outside my family needed me for anything, and I could not have been more excited about the prospect of three quiet months. But almost immediately following these feelings of ecstasy, I was plagued by another emotion. You guessed it. Guilt. Did I really hate people this much? If the people in my church knew how relieved I was to not have to talk to them for three months, they would be horrified and hurt.
Thankfully we had three months off, and not just one. I needed more time to process these thoughts. After a few weeks, I noticed a change in me. My joy was returning. I was genuinely happy to hang out with my four kids and my husband. We had a summer full of engaging conversation and playful adventures, and I loved every second of it. I put the pieces together and realized that the reason I had often felt burdened by my husband and kids is that I was too sapped by all my other social interactions to enjoy my family. I made a note-to-self that I didn't want to lose this joy ever again. I needed to build social downtime into my calendar when I resumed my life.
But then I found your book, and it empowered me all the more. I understand now that my introversion is not a disability, but a wonderful gift that I am squandering the more I push myself into an extrovert mold. I don't have to feel guilty for needing just a few good friends to "go deep with". My extroverted husband understands me better and because of your book no longer rolls his eyes when I say I don't want to attend a neighborhood fire pit. (He was also becoming convinced when he saw how happy and engaged I have been with him & the kids this summer.) Our sweet introverted daughter is already benefitting from the book when I now allow her to play by herself for awhile to the consternation of her extroverted sister. And the biggest benefit? When I return to my life, I will no longer let guilt persuade me that it is more "righteous" to be around people.
Oh, and we'll be making changes to our church when we return too. Less pressure towards groups, more contemplative pauses in the services, etc.
So, thank you for following your gut and writing a book that all of America needs to read. I'll be buying my own copy, and re-reading it often, I can assure you. http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=406.0#postid-1143&guid=1143
Started a blog, scared to tell people about it!Wed, 30 Jul 2014 21:58:57 +0000I've been writing an introvert blog (inspired by <em>Quiet</em> by Susan Cain) for the past several months - one posting per month. The hilarious thing is, only about 12 of my close friends and family know about it! There is something wonderfully subversive about an internet blog whose intention is NOT to go viral. There's also something about an introvert-blog on the internet that does not fully compute. The truth is, I'm seeking a <em>safe</em> audience, and the whole entire internet does not seem safe for someone writing thoughtfully about personally meaningful topics. So you see my conundrum . . .
So, I'm dipping my toe in the internet-waters, by telling other introverts "I have a blog!" There. I took a second brave step. The internet now knows I have a blog, it just doesn't know what the blog is. Baby steps :) http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=405.0#postid-1142&guid=1142
Speaking for IntrovertsThu, 24 Jul 2014 11:20:12 +0000I was recently speaking with a friend of mine about this book and specifically the piece regarding the public speaking for introverts class Susan took. My friend and I were commiserating about out shared fear of public speaking and an inner call to do so. Through our conversation we decided to form our own (gentle) public speaking group.
We are looking for/curious about any general curriculum that could get us going. A few ideas are brewing, but would love to hear of any tried and true successes.
Re: Introduction with a storyTue, 22 Jul 2014 03:31:59 +0000Finally, someone like me :)
As far as I remember I've always been like this.
What I always believe is that it is the voice of God (or maybe my guardian).
The voice mostly speaks about me.
In 16 personalities, I am an INFP. I always feel alienated.
As a kid, I am somewhat unique and different. I was a bit wiser and mature than any other kids around me, thus lonely (and also introverted).
I always questionned myself, "why they are like that?", "Why am I like this?"
And a voice has always answered, somewhat a girl's voice.
As a boy, I have always been wiser, all good quotations in books are common senses for me, even I do that.
Never liked sermon from priests, its all really normal for me, The voice taught me, through the questions and answer me and the voice always had.
Once had a bad relationship with a girl, being mistreated so badly, nearly let myself dwell into darkness, but the voice always supported me, even told me to move on and remind me that I've tried my best and I've always been good.
Everyday until this day, the voice always echoes within me.
Including telling me to "go out there, and speak!". Well, I'm an introvert :)http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=404.0#postid-1140&guid=1140
Re: Who is more Charismatic? Extraverts or IntrovertsWed, 16 Jul 2014 12:22:29 +0000<blockquote><strong>Quote from KordellNorton on Jul 16, 2014, 9:24am</strong>
Love Susan's RSA Short on Introverts versus Extraverts. <strong>But which is more Charismatic and Magnetic</strong>? My opinion is that neither one has an exclusive on charisma. My blog post on the subject - [url=http://tiny.cc/wwd3ix</blockquote>]http://tiny.cc/wwd3ix
I read your blog, and I agree with it, but I don't see what that has to do with charisma.
I'm not trying to be pedantic, but words have specific meaning. Charisma is defined as having a magnetic charm; as such it is an attribute of personality.
The examples you gave in your blog are more that of shrewdness or wisdom. Wisdom includes knowing the difference between when to open your mouth and when to keep it shut. :-)
I read an article by Dr. Phillip McGraw recently in Oprah Magazine. Entitled "Never miss a good chance to shut up!" The quote is originally attributed to Will Rogers. That particular column is not available on the web, but a similar version with the essence of it is available: <a >http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Know-When-to-Trust-Power-of-Silence</a>http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=404.0#postid-1139&guid=1139
Who is more Charismatic? Extraverts or IntrovertsWed, 16 Jul 2014 09:24:39 +0000Love Susan's RSA Short on Introverts versus Extraverts. <strong>But which is more Charismatic and Magnetic</strong>? My opinion is that neither one has an exclusive on charisma. My blog post on the subject - <a >http://tiny.cc/wwd3ix</a>http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=403.0#postid-1138&guid=1138
Example of Privileging Extrovert IdealWed, 16 Jul 2014 01:26:31 +0000To the point in "Quiet" about the privileging of the extrovert, I was recently reading an insightful book by Anthony Storr called "Solitude: A Return to the Self" (1988), and came across this remarkable passage (p.93): "At the time of writing, it is generally considered that the highly introverted person is more pathological than the very extraverted [sic] person. This is because of the current emphasis upon object relationships, and the disregard of processes which take place in solitude." Wow.http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=402.0#postid-1137&guid=1137
Re: Bullying manager because I am quietFri, 11 Jul 2014 10:41:50 +0000<blockquote><strong>Quote from Andrea99 on Jul 11, 2014, 6:14am</strong>
Hello - I am an introvert and have read Susan's book which I love.
I am working in an office near London and the manager keeps making sarcastic comments because I am a very quiet person and like to keep my head down at work, although I am very pleasant and polite to my colleagues, including him. He implies in no uncertain terms that I am boring by using repeated sarcasm about my “dynamic personality” etc. It really gets on my nerves because I know that I am not boring and have a lot to offer, very intelligent and well read and love deep conversation with real friends albeit only a few at a time, not a crowd, yet when he says these things I question whether I am interesting and perhaps I am indeed boring even though my family and real friends outside of work do not think I am. Is this a form of bullying? </blockquote>
Actually it is a form of emotional manipulation. Believe it or not, bullies <em>choose</em> their targets. They choose those whom they perceive as weak. The antidote for being bullied is to learn how to be assertive. Assertiveness is not aggression, nor is it counter-aggression. It is a set of coping skills that render the manipulator (or bully) ineffective. You might say it will make you "bully-proof".
I have said many times in this forum that most who are seeking advice here think that their problems in coping with other people are due to having an introverted nature. Being introverted is <em>not</em> a problem, nor is it a deficiency. But a lack of assertiveness or lack of having adequate coping skills to deal with manipulative people IS a problem and is a separate issue, as it is the cause of most people's problems in our human interactions.
Susan's book helps you to understand your innate nature as an introvert. For many, that is an essential first step, the realization that there is nothing wrong with you being an introvert. Unfortunately her book can't provide you with the essential skills to cope with people who are being domineering, pressuring you, voicing cutting remarks, or being emotionally manipulative with you. That requires additional effort to seek out and learn adequate coping skills (AKA assertiveness).
I continue to recommend the best book ever written on the topic of how to become assertive. It is <em>When I Say No I feel Guilty</em> by Manuel Smith, PhD. The book was a huge bestseller when it was published in 1975. Smith is a behavioral psychologist who has written about assertiveness training and desensitization of phobias. His methods are highly effective. It presents several easy to learn concepts that are universally applicable in responding to challenging situations. The book is easy for anyone to read, learn and practice the few skills that are essential.
You will forever be an introvert, as it is an immutable trait that cannot be changed. But being introverted is not a life sentence of being a passive pushover or a 'doormat', nor forever ending up feeling guilty, frustrated or depressed due to not knowing how to respond to aggressive people or challenging situations in daily life. Assertiveness comes naturally to no one; however it is a coping skill that is easily learned.
Buy Dr. Smith's book and apply his method. Once you become an assertive introvert you truly will feel confident, and perhaps even feel "powerful". ;-)
If you are so inclined you can also join my assertiveness group at <a >https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/AssertivenessForum/info</a>
Manager verbally bullies me because I am quietFri, 11 Jul 2014 06:14:20 +0000Hello - I am an introvert and have read Susan's book which I love.
I am working in an office near London and the manager keeps making sarcastic comments because I am a very quiet person and like to keep my head down at work, although I am very pleasant and polite to my colleagues, including him. He implies in no uncertain terms that I am boring by using repeated sarcasm about my “dynamic personality” etc. It really gets on my nerves because I know that I am not boring and have a lot to offer, very intelligent and well read and love deep conversation with real friends albeit only a few at a time, not a crowd, yet when he says these things I question whether I am interesting and perhaps I am indeed boring even though my family and real friends outside of work do not think I am. Is this a form of bullying? http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=381.0#postid-1135&guid=1135
Re: Leadership for IntrovertsTue, 08 Jul 2014 14:31:26 +0000This is what I love learning and teaching about!
<strong>Introverts definitely have special talents and skills that make them awesome leaders, some of which include:</strong>
-good observation and listening skills
-calm nature; easier to stay focussed during stressful situation
-deep thinkers, which allows them to connect really well with others
An article I wrote for entrepreneursTue, 08 Jul 2014 14:21:26 +0000If you're an entrepreneur, I'd love to share this article for you...enjoy!
<strong>Stepping Into Your Entrepreneur Spotlight</strong>
Written by: Milissa Harding
As much as you may want to experience and enjoy the freedoms that come with being a business owner, there’s one thing that might be stopping you: perhaps you haven’t fully stepped into your entrepreneur “spotlight” yet. What do I mean by the entrepreneur spotlight? Being in the entrepreneur spotlight is about two things:
1-seeing yourself as a successful entrepreneur (mindset), and
2-acting as a successful entrepreneur (business-building activities)
Let’s examine these ingredients for stepping into your entrepreneur spotlight a bit more, and see how you can start owning your brilliance as a business owner.
<strong>See yourself as a successful entrepreneur.</strong>
Often, your beliefs and self-image may be to blame for not recognizing how amazingly talented you already are. You may already own a business, but you’re not yet believing that you can be successful at it. This is all about the negative messaging going on in your mind. You’ve probably heard the saying, “I’ll believe it when I see it”, and perhaps this is something that you have come to accept as well. Are you waiting for the results to show up BEFORE you believe that your business will be a success? If so, I’d like to stretch your thinking a bit, and challenge you to begin affirming, “I’ll see it when I believe it”. In other words, when you actually BELIEVE that you can be a successful entrepreneur, new ideas and opportunities will start presenting themselves to you. The resources and connections are already in your life, waiting for you to be energetically aligned with them. See yourself as a successful entrepreneur first, and then watch what starts to happen. You’ll amaze yourself!
<strong>Act as a successful entrepreneur.</strong>
Believing, affirming and visualizing are super important, but a positive mindset must work alongside specific business-building activities that will move you forward. This is about taking ACTION. There may be specific actions that are unique to your particular business, but generally-speaking, there are certain things that can definitely help an entrepreneur to succeed:
• Finding a mentor/coach to work with that shares your beliefs, as well as the results that you want in your business
• Regularly look for opportunities to connect with new people (ex-networking events)
• Learn how to describe what you do, clearly and effectively
• Be persistent; don’t be afraid to try new things
• Stay consistent by doing something each day to build your business
Sometimes, entrepreneurs trip themselves up by focusing too much on one of these areas, while avoiding the other. Mindset and business-building (aka “marketing”) must work hand-in-hand. Thinking of yourself as successful without consistently doing the necessary work to get there probably means that there are some fears present that are preventing you from doing what you know you need to be doing in your business. On the other hand, burning the midnight oil and toiling away at your business (almost obsessively!) without doing the necessary mindset work will leave you feeling out of balance, frustrated and resentful. When you bring both of these elements together, however, the wheels will start turning in your business, and you’ll not only step into your entrepreneur spot light…you’ll OWN it!
<em>Milissa Harding is a Mindset Coach for Introverted Entrepreneurs and Aspiring Leaders. She supports introverted entrepreneurs and leaders through her step-by-step system which shows them exactly how to grow a business in a way that fully aligns with who they are, instead of what they've been taught that they "should" do. As a result, her clients experience the ease, joy and success in their business that they truly deserve. Request your FREE report, “10 Steps to Create an Energetically-Rich Business as an Introverted Entrepreneur” at [url=www.embraceyouandyourbiz.com</em>]www.embraceyouandyourbiz.com
Finally Read \"Quiet\"Sun, 06 Jul 2014 21:51:10 +0000I heard about "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" through the grapevine months ago, but just now got a hold of a copy.
I must say, it's one of the best books I've ever read. A very inspirational read. It helped me understand a lot about myself and my place in the world.
I would recommend this book to anyone, though I would consider it essential reading for Introverts.