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Started a blog, scared to tell people about it!Wed, 30 Jul 2014 21:58:57 +0000I've been writing an introvert blog (inspired by <em>Quiet</em> by Susan Cain) for the past several months - one posting per month. The hilarious thing is, only about 12 of my close friends and family know about it! There is something wonderfully subversive about an internet blog whose intention is NOT to go viral. There's also something about an introvert-blog on the internet that does not fully compute. The truth is, I'm seeking a <em>safe</em> audience, and the whole entire internet does not seem safe for someone writing thoughtfully about personally meaningful topics. So you see my conundrum . . .
So, I'm dipping my toe in the internet-waters, by telling other introverts "I have a blog!" There. I took a second brave step. The internet now knows I have a blog, it just doesn't know what the blog is. Baby steps :) http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=405.0#postid-1142&guid=1142
Speaking for IntrovertsThu, 24 Jul 2014 11:20:12 +0000I was recently speaking with a friend of mine about this book and specifically the piece regarding the public speaking for introverts class Susan took. My friend and I were commiserating about out shared fear of public speaking and an inner call to do so. Through our conversation we decided to form our own (gentle) public speaking group.
We are looking for/curious about any general curriculum that could get us going. A few ideas are brewing, but would love to hear of any tried and true successes.
Re: Introduction with a storyTue, 22 Jul 2014 03:31:59 +0000Finally, someone like me :)
As far as I remember I've always been like this.
What I always believe is that it is the voice of God (or maybe my guardian).
The voice mostly speaks about me.
In 16 personalities, I am an INFP. I always feel alienated.
As a kid, I am somewhat unique and different. I was a bit wiser and mature than any other kids around me, thus lonely (and also introverted).
I always questionned myself, "why they are like that?", "Why am I like this?"
And a voice has always answered, somewhat a girl's voice.
As a boy, I have always been wiser, all good quotations in books are common senses for me, even I do that.
Never liked sermon from priests, its all really normal for me, The voice taught me, through the questions and answer me and the voice always had.
Once had a bad relationship with a girl, being mistreated so badly, nearly let myself dwell into darkness, but the voice always supported me, even told me to move on and remind me that I've tried my best and I've always been good.
Everyday until this day, the voice always echoes within me.
Including telling me to "go out there, and speak!". Well, I'm an introvert :)http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=404.0#postid-1140&guid=1140
Re: Who is more Charismatic? Extraverts or IntrovertsWed, 16 Jul 2014 12:22:29 +0000<blockquote><strong>Quote from KordellNorton on Jul 16, 2014, 9:24am</strong>
Love Susan's RSA Short on Introverts versus Extraverts. <strong>But which is more Charismatic and Magnetic</strong>? My opinion is that neither one has an exclusive on charisma. My blog post on the subject - [url=http://tiny.cc/wwd3ix</blockquote>]http://tiny.cc/wwd3ix
I read your blog, and I agree with it, but I don't see what that has to do with charisma.
I'm not trying to be pedantic, but words have specific meaning. Charisma is defined as having a magnetic charm; as such it is an attribute of personality.
The examples you gave in your blog are more that of shrewdness or wisdom. Wisdom includes knowing the difference between when to open your mouth and when to keep it shut. :-)
I read an article by Dr. Phillip McGraw recently in Oprah Magazine. Entitled "Never miss a good chance to shut up!" The quote is originally attributed to Will Rogers. That particular column is not available on the web, but a similar version with the essence of it is available: <a >http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Know-When-to-Trust-Power-of-Silence</a>http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=404.0#postid-1139&guid=1139
Who is more Charismatic? Extraverts or IntrovertsWed, 16 Jul 2014 09:24:39 +0000Love Susan's RSA Short on Introverts versus Extraverts. <strong>But which is more Charismatic and Magnetic</strong>? My opinion is that neither one has an exclusive on charisma. My blog post on the subject - <a >http://tiny.cc/wwd3ix</a>http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=403.0#postid-1138&guid=1138
Example of Privileging Extrovert IdealWed, 16 Jul 2014 01:26:31 +0000To the point in "Quiet" about the privileging of the extrovert, I was recently reading an insightful book by Anthony Storr called "Solitude: A Return to the Self" (1988), and came across this remarkable passage (p.93): "At the time of writing, it is generally considered that the highly introverted person is more pathological than the very extraverted [sic] person. This is because of the current emphasis upon object relationships, and the disregard of processes which take place in solitude." Wow.http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=402.0#postid-1137&guid=1137
Re: Bullying manager because I am quietFri, 11 Jul 2014 10:41:50 +0000<blockquote><strong>Quote from Andrea99 on Jul 11, 2014, 6:14am</strong>
Hello - I am an introvert and have read Susan's book which I love.
I am working in an office near London and the manager keeps making sarcastic comments because I am a very quiet person and like to keep my head down at work, although I am very pleasant and polite to my colleagues, including him. He implies in no uncertain terms that I am boring by using repeated sarcasm about my “dynamic personality” etc. It really gets on my nerves because I know that I am not boring and have a lot to offer, very intelligent and well read and love deep conversation with real friends albeit only a few at a time, not a crowd, yet when he says these things I question whether I am interesting and perhaps I am indeed boring even though my family and real friends outside of work do not think I am. Is this a form of bullying? </blockquote>
Actually it is a form of emotional manipulation. Believe it or not, bullies <em>choose</em> their targets. They choose those whom they perceive as weak. The antidote for being bullied is to learn how to be assertive. Assertiveness is not aggression, nor is it counter-aggression. It is a set of coping skills that render the manipulator (or bully) ineffective. You might say it will make you "bully-proof".
I have said many times in this forum that most who are seeking advice here think that their problems in coping with other people are due to having an introverted nature. Being introverted is <em>not</em> a problem, nor is it a deficiency. But a lack of assertiveness or lack of having adequate coping skills to deal with manipulative people IS a problem and is a separate issue, as it is the cause of most people's problems in our human interactions.
Susan's book helps you to understand your innate nature as an introvert. For many, that is an essential first step, the realization that there is nothing wrong with you being an introvert. Unfortunately her book can't provide you with the essential skills to cope with people who are being domineering, pressuring you, voicing cutting remarks, or being emotionally manipulative with you. That requires additional effort to seek out and learn adequate coping skills (AKA assertiveness).
I continue to recommend the best book ever written on the topic of how to become assertive. It is <em>When I Say No I feel Guilty</em> by Manuel Smith, PhD. The book was a huge bestseller when it was published in 1975. Smith is a behavioral psychologist who has written about assertiveness training and desensitization of phobias. His methods are highly effective. It presents several easy to learn concepts that are universally applicable in responding to challenging situations. The book is easy for anyone to read, learn and practice the few skills that are essential.
You will forever be an introvert, as it is an immutable trait that cannot be changed. But being introverted is not a life sentence of being a passive pushover or a 'doormat', nor forever ending up feeling guilty, frustrated or depressed due to not knowing how to respond to aggressive people or challenging situations in daily life. Assertiveness comes naturally to no one; however it is a coping skill that is easily learned.
Buy Dr. Smith's book and apply his method. Once you become an assertive introvert you truly will feel confident, and perhaps even feel "powerful". ;-)
If you are so inclined you can also join my assertiveness group at <a >https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/AssertivenessForum/info</a>
Manager verbally bullies me because I am quietFri, 11 Jul 2014 06:14:20 +0000Hello - I am an introvert and have read Susan's book which I love.
I am working in an office near London and the manager keeps making sarcastic comments because I am a very quiet person and like to keep my head down at work, although I am very pleasant and polite to my colleagues, including him. He implies in no uncertain terms that I am boring by using repeated sarcasm about my “dynamic personality” etc. It really gets on my nerves because I know that I am not boring and have a lot to offer, very intelligent and well read and love deep conversation with real friends albeit only a few at a time, not a crowd, yet when he says these things I question whether I am interesting and perhaps I am indeed boring even though my family and real friends outside of work do not think I am. Is this a form of bullying? http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=381.0#postid-1135&guid=1135
Re: Leadership for IntrovertsTue, 08 Jul 2014 14:31:26 +0000This is what I love learning and teaching about!
<strong>Introverts definitely have special talents and skills that make them awesome leaders, some of which include:</strong>
-good observation and listening skills
-calm nature; easier to stay focussed during stressful situation
-deep thinkers, which allows them to connect really well with others
An article I wrote for entrepreneursTue, 08 Jul 2014 14:21:26 +0000If you're an entrepreneur, I'd love to share this article for you...enjoy!
<strong>Stepping Into Your Entrepreneur Spotlight</strong>
Written by: Milissa Harding
As much as you may want to experience and enjoy the freedoms that come with being a business owner, there’s one thing that might be stopping you: perhaps you haven’t fully stepped into your entrepreneur “spotlight” yet. What do I mean by the entrepreneur spotlight? Being in the entrepreneur spotlight is about two things:
1-seeing yourself as a successful entrepreneur (mindset), and
2-acting as a successful entrepreneur (business-building activities)
Let’s examine these ingredients for stepping into your entrepreneur spotlight a bit more, and see how you can start owning your brilliance as a business owner.
<strong>See yourself as a successful entrepreneur.</strong>
Often, your beliefs and self-image may be to blame for not recognizing how amazingly talented you already are. You may already own a business, but you’re not yet believing that you can be successful at it. This is all about the negative messaging going on in your mind. You’ve probably heard the saying, “I’ll believe it when I see it”, and perhaps this is something that you have come to accept as well. Are you waiting for the results to show up BEFORE you believe that your business will be a success? If so, I’d like to stretch your thinking a bit, and challenge you to begin affirming, “I’ll see it when I believe it”. In other words, when you actually BELIEVE that you can be a successful entrepreneur, new ideas and opportunities will start presenting themselves to you. The resources and connections are already in your life, waiting for you to be energetically aligned with them. See yourself as a successful entrepreneur first, and then watch what starts to happen. You’ll amaze yourself!
<strong>Act as a successful entrepreneur.</strong>
Believing, affirming and visualizing are super important, but a positive mindset must work alongside specific business-building activities that will move you forward. This is about taking ACTION. There may be specific actions that are unique to your particular business, but generally-speaking, there are certain things that can definitely help an entrepreneur to succeed:
• Finding a mentor/coach to work with that shares your beliefs, as well as the results that you want in your business
• Regularly look for opportunities to connect with new people (ex-networking events)
• Learn how to describe what you do, clearly and effectively
• Be persistent; don’t be afraid to try new things
• Stay consistent by doing something each day to build your business
Sometimes, entrepreneurs trip themselves up by focusing too much on one of these areas, while avoiding the other. Mindset and business-building (aka “marketing”) must work hand-in-hand. Thinking of yourself as successful without consistently doing the necessary work to get there probably means that there are some fears present that are preventing you from doing what you know you need to be doing in your business. On the other hand, burning the midnight oil and toiling away at your business (almost obsessively!) without doing the necessary mindset work will leave you feeling out of balance, frustrated and resentful. When you bring both of these elements together, however, the wheels will start turning in your business, and you’ll not only step into your entrepreneur spot light…you’ll OWN it!
<em>Milissa Harding is a Mindset Coach for Introverted Entrepreneurs and Aspiring Leaders. She supports introverted entrepreneurs and leaders through her step-by-step system which shows them exactly how to grow a business in a way that fully aligns with who they are, instead of what they've been taught that they "should" do. As a result, her clients experience the ease, joy and success in their business that they truly deserve. Request your FREE report, “10 Steps to Create an Energetically-Rich Business as an Introverted Entrepreneur” at [url=www.embraceyouandyourbiz.com</em>]www.embraceyouandyourbiz.com
Finally Read \"Quiet\"Sun, 06 Jul 2014 21:51:10 +0000I heard about "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" through the grapevine months ago, but just now got a hold of a copy.
I must say, it's one of the best books I've ever read. A very inspirational read. It helped me understand a lot about myself and my place in the world.
I would recommend this book to anyone, though I would consider it essential reading for Introverts.http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=145.0#postid-1132&guid=1132
Re: Quiet campaigningThu, 03 Jul 2014 16:52:14 +0000I am trying to make my way into schools systems in hopes of discussing "Considerations for Introvert Students." I have an appointment with a school superintendent next week.
I am hoping several things will happen:
He'll lay out the welcome mat for me to enter the schools
Have a focus group of educators to discuss aspects education, learning and introvert students
Possibly modifying in some way, their methods of instruction to be more inclusive of introvert natural tendencies
Highlight the magnitude of intended and unintended negative messages that introvert receive beginning at youth ("you're nothing like so and so" or "why aren't you playing like the rest of the kids", etc. These "comparison" messages give kids the impression that something is wrong with them if they are not like "the rest" of the kids.
Start a discussion among students about personality types
Hope of decreasing bullying as a result
Get parents of introvert students involved in the discussion.
I am slowly but surely become the Introvert Activist in a big way.
I have blog that features introvert guest writers and welcome the contribute of introverts that have a passion for writing. The Introvert Advocate (<a >www.TheIntrovertAdvocate.com</a>).
I hope people around the world are compelled to join in this revolution.http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=241.0#postid-1130&guid=1130
Re: But isn't this a curse?Mon, 30 Jun 2014 15:59:32 +0000<blockquote><strong>Quote from Jayrom on May 11, 2013, 1:23am</strong>
What I gathered from you post regarding “pure” was that you may have a relatively transparent window separating your consciousness from your unconscious. This is a gift and the ability to perceive the true timeless collective moral governing principles as they match or don’t match the situation. Carl Jung referred to these as archetypes of the unconscious. Hinduism would refer to this as following or experiencing the eternal law or way.
Thus, the challenge is to be able to communicate these impressions to the rest of the world into the format that others can understand. Use of myths and symbols always have been and are a way to communicate the timeless truths. However, they must be updated to reflect the times.
Thanks for sharing!
What a load of tripe! Speak in plain english man.http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=398.0#postid-1129&guid=1129
Google glassMon, 30 Jun 2014 09:24:10 +0000So I was walking, lost in my thoughts. I was thinking about cell phones, and how they externalize the world. It seems so common for a person who is otherwise unoccupied to whip out a smartphone and fiddle with it. Its almost expected. That we need to occupy our thoughts and minds with some external stimulus rather than simply thinking inside our own head.
From there, my thoughts jumped to google glass, which is reviled by a...well i am not sure how large a segment of society, but at the very least it is a loud segment. I thought to myself, why is this tool so disliked? My thought is that it is so internal, so self contained, that it rubs our extrovert favoring society the wrong way. A phone is a means of communicating. Of reaching out and wrapping ourselves around others. It makes the world smaller and us closer. Glass is a tool that brings the world to you and only you. Only for your eyes. Blocking out all those around you and bringing a singlness with it. An aloneness.
I don't discount the fact that glass can record. And most objections center on this. But I cannot believe that an intelligent person does not realize that they are being recorded by any number of cameras placed around them.http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=397.0#postid-1128&guid=1128
An ongoing Quiet revolutionWed, 25 Jun 2014 01:04:30 +0000Sometimes things fall into place like they were destined to happen. Reading 'Quiet' comes at a time when I had been learning about some closely related subjects.
Last year, I was in a relationship that was failing and I wanted to understand why. In my quiet way, I started to find clues and ideas. Oddly, the source of one of those ideas was a movie called Good Will Hunting.
When Will sees his therapist holding a file folder he quips "... Will has an attachment disorder." I discovered the concept of attachment styles, including 'anxious attachment' (me) and 'avoidant attachment' (my partner). BTW, just so you know, I'm a guy. This lead to learning about Bowlby, Ainsworth and attachment styles.
Part of the research into attachment shows that 20-30% of people experience emotions more intensely than the rest of the world. Sound familiar?
Then I learn about Borderline Personality Disorder. Uf-da. Some have postulated that it arises in childhood when an emotionally sensitive child has their emotional life devalued. The child learns to deny their emotions and then lives life with a facade of emotional indifference. The problem arises when this person is confronted with someone else's intense emotions. The results can be ugly.
So, introversion, emotional sensitivity, attachment styles, BPD. For me, this has been a fascinating, if somewhat painful learning experience. I'm learning to be a little more true to myself, and if other people aren't comfortable with it, that's their loss.
Re: Re-learning how to be an introvertWed, 25 Jun 2014 00:43:05 +0000I don't have an answer for your question but I'm curious to hear why you make such a bad extrovert. BTW, I also can do a bad job of faking extroversion. If I've been stressed for too long (weeks, months) I lose my some of my ability to act naturally in unfamiliar groups.
Like you, I'm going to practice introversion. I have learned social grace, so I'm not going to worry about being able to socialize. http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=396.0#postid-1126&guid=1126
Summer Camp for introvertsMon, 23 Jun 2014 16:41:32 +0000Hello,
My name is Carol and I am starting a summer day camp for kids that are introverts. If you have introverted kids that have had positive or negative experiences or stories about summer camps or you have stories yourself I would love to hear them.
Any ideas are welcome as well.
I have also created a blog and social media accounts which talk about introversion in kids and have lots of content to inspire parents and kids at <a >www.versionfun.com</a> http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=145.0#postid-1125&guid=1125
Re: Quiet campaigningMon, 23 Jun 2014 15:03:42 +0000I think many people are moving away from protests and placards as a way of campaigning.
Some ways that introverts can contribute to campaigning include social media, logistics organization, writing letters or articles in newspapers and other publications and finding organizations or individuals to connect to. I feel that connecting to other organizations is a big one because so many movements are from pocket groups that could be more effective if they collaborated. Because the groups are oftentimes very opinionated, niched and extraverted I think having an introvert to make and foster the connections so that both groups can see the value in working together is huge. http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=395.0#postid-1124&guid=1124
Re-learning how to be an introvertThu, 19 Jun 2014 14:52:22 +0000Is there a forum for discussing the effects of many years of extrovert lead leadership development and how to understand the options for undoing some of the effects, please ? Having faked it for over 20 years i realise what a poor extrovert I make and the injustice I do myself. http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/forum/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=151.0#postid-1123&guid=1123
Re: What is Leadership?Wed, 18 Jun 2014 13:39:38 +0000<blockquote><strong>Quote from sullivja on Jun 18, 2014, 6:15am</strong>
A great conversation about what leadership May or may not be. I am now experiencing the reality of the confusion about what leadership means in the workplace. And what is expected of the introvert leader.</blockquote>
After reading your description I'm also confused.
<blockquote>I have today received a performance review which focussed on my poor performance in regard to engaging with the leadership team with whom I work. Due to our organisational structure I do not report into this team but am expected to influence them in respect to my technical knowledge. </blockquote>
If you don't report to that team, why and how are you supposed to "influence" them?
<blockquote>I have been working with this team for 6 weeks and the feedback gathered by my manager included the phrase which has haunted me my whole twenty year working life "stand-offish". My leadership capabilities are being questioned and I am likely to suffer in my career as a consequence. </blockquote>
Is your evaluation based upon feedback comments or gossip reported to your manager? This sounds odd. What is your job description? Try to give us a more detailed description of your situation regarding this team structure and what it is that is expected of you.