Internet Dating - Is It Brutal or Beautiful for Introverts? A Case Study w/Julia & Matt

julia matt triplett Internet Dating   Is It Brutal or Beautiful for Introverts? A Case Study w/Julia & Matt

Julia & Matt Triplett | Image via:

Dear Friends,

Today, a heartwarming love story from Matt and Julia Triplett — who met online via the Quiet Revolution! Hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

“One night in early 2012, Matt was reading the book Quiet by Susan Cain, about the joys and struggles of being an introvert in an extroverted world. And it sparked an idea. On a lark he logged into his OkCupid account and did a keyword search for “introvert”. Five profiles popped up, and one in particular stood out to him — a girl named Julia, who lived in Pacific Grove.

Matt was a bit intimidated by Julia’s profile and was unsure if he wanted to reach out… until he saw the photo of her in a panda suit. He was intrigued! The next photo (of her as a toddler on her dad’s lap) was so sweet, he knew he wanted to learn more. So he wrote her a thoughtful message and crossed his fingers.”

Via: How we met (and the unusual path we took) |

How did Julia respond? Will Matt stop dressing like a nun?

These questions and more are answered @

How we met (and the unusual path we took) on

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  1. Mark W on 21.06.2013 at 21:51 (Reply)

    Nice story! My wife and I met on a private Facebook group for people with the Myers-Briggs type INFJ. It was a GREAT way to meet. Now our first child is on the way and we are sure hoping the little guy is an introvert! :-) J/K, healthy is what we are shooting for.


  2. anon on 22.06.2013 at 13:38 (Reply)

    It’s nice to see OKC work out for someone who isn’t a 10/10 alpha male life of the party type, but it is just so brutal and demoralizing a lot of the time.

  3. Matt Triplett on 23.06.2013 at 13:12 (Reply)

    Thanks everybody for all the kind words — Julia and I are genuinely honored! To be clear, online dating can be super demoralizing, especially if you have a sensitive personality at all (which both Julia and I do). All I can say is to be patient and discerning as you explore possible mates. One thing I really love about OkCupid (as opposed to other sites) is that you can see how people answer key questions about things like politics, sex, drugs, parenting, you name it. So I used that to really try and hone in on the types of people I wanted to meet (and weed out the ones I didn’t).

    And perhaps most importantly, I suggest using your own profile as a “filter”, not a marketing device. Be honest about who you really are, and don’t be afraid to share information that you know might not be appealing to some (i.e. the wrong) people. Try to scare away people that wouldn’t be a good fit for you, because in the process you’ll also attract people who *are* better fits. For example, it seems like many women are afraid of coming across as “too needy” or “too clingy”. (Julia felt that when I first met her.) But to me, that’s just *intimacy*. Guys with a fear of intimacy call that needy and clingy. Just realize that by making your dating profile more “filter-like”, you’ll stop getting as many emails — which is good! You’re trying to filter out all the “bad fits” and focus on the “good fits”. And don’t be afraid to say you’re an introvert — we’re everywhere!

    Hope that’s helpful, and if anybody has questions about our experience, both Julia and I are happy to share more.

    Matt (and Julia too)

    1. Nancy Man on 24.08.2013 at 00:16 (Reply)

      I think using a dating profile as a filter — not just to attract the right people, but also to repel the wrong ones — is terrific advice.

  4. Rico Compagnie on 28.06.2013 at 12:25 (Reply)

    I think it’s cute :) I know it can be difficult for an introvert to find true love. I actually have a friend who has met someone through an online dating service. They’re now more than seven months together.

    I can relate to you guys. There’s a fine line between being an introvert and being shy. I used to be very shy when it comes to dating.

  5. Josh from Improve My Search Ranking on 02.07.2013 at 05:10 (Reply)

    Hi Susan,

    Having got about half way through you book I believe I am an ambivert. It has been quite funny looking at different parts of my character and understanding them to be extroverted and introverted traits!

    In regards to this blog post, I have met a few people through building relationships on social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter.

    I also watched your TED talk yesterday, I think the best way to describe it is ‘lovely’! I hope to speak as well as you in the future!


  6. Anthony on 27.09.2013 at 22:36 (Reply)

    At first glance of course this site was of interest. But, the social media thing threw me off. I assume in the psychological realm that we the introverts need to learn to accept this as proper and the norm for social warmth. What about those of us who see the advance in communication as being the current root of disintegration of society? Are we 100% wrong? Are you sure? I’m looking at a complete surrender to privacy on the major site(s). Look at history and you see there is always one tool just like this. It’s disturbing and I’m even a pretty laid back guy.
    Basic communication forums (dating, social or otherwise) are less (to me- opinion)likely to do any damage and in fact in some circumstances demonstrate the rare time when advancement in technology is complete, true and helpful.
    Let us open our eyes. Technology is a tool that always needs to be subjugated to the simple natural rules built into us. Used for good until it crosses the threshold…We are no wiser than those living in times we view as the depths of ‘ignorance’.
    Peace and strength

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Quiet: The Book

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Bill Gates names "The Power of Introverts" one of his all-time favorite TED Talks.

Best Nonfiction Book of 2012

QUIET has been voted the best nonfiction book of 2012


1. There’s a word for “people who are in their heads too much”: thinkers.

2. Our culture rightly admires risk-takers, but we need our “heed-takers” more than ever.

3. Solitude is a catalyst for innovation.

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