Is Your ‘Quiet’ Child Available For a Quick Phone Call?

shutterstock 156925922 e1389222257386 Is Your Quiet Child Available For a Quick Phone Call?

Image source:

Hi all - My team is gathering stories for/about introverted kids for a new project. Hoping to connect with kids (between the ages of ten and fifteen) and parents who would be willing to spend a few minutes on the phone sharing their experiences (especially boys, as we’ve already talked to many girls.). Names and certain personal details would be changed to protect identities. If you’re interested, please contact me at Susan AT ThePowerOfIntroverts DOT com.




  1. Christine on 09.01.2014 at 11:18 (Reply)

    If you find a need for more female input, my daughter is 13 years old (as of 12/31)… she lives for the day her teachers do NOT tell her the only “improvement” she needs is to “speak up more in class”… this with an over 100 percent average in every class! :/ Thanks again for all you do!!!!!!!

  2. aly king-smith on 09.01.2014 at 11:23 (Reply)

    Hilarious-my fab & introverted 13 year old was told at parents evening to speak up more too!

    1. Claire on 16.01.2014 at 19:13 (Reply)

      I know EXACTLY how your daughter feels. My school reports would always read: Polite, conscientious, intelligent and hard-working, JUST NEEDS TO TALK MORE. Grrr!!! :-/ I DREADED seeing this on every report and could never understand why it was such a big deal. I was in all the top classes, got very good grades and was also in classes for gifted children in two different schools. I was also helpful, never caused trouble and would talk when I needed to, not just for the sake of it. Surely all of this was enough! It would incense me and made me feel that my quiet nature, which caused no trouble to anyone else, was never quite good enough, and all just because I didn’t feel the need to verbalise my every thought. It made school hell for me. I hope Susan’s ongoing work will help the generations of introverts to come. I wish she’d been there to speak up for me when I was young.

      1. Claire on 24.01.2014 at 16:41 (Reply)

        There is an upcoming young introvert leader that you should check out:

  3. Gary on 09.01.2014 at 11:31 (Reply)

    Please contact me via email. I can assist.

  4. Lara Montano on 09.01.2014 at 11:36 (Reply)

    Wow similar experience to the first comment. She is 13, a clever kid, high achiever but “too shy” “needs to be more outgoing” “kids like that need to be toughened up” “if she doesnt start speaking up for herself she will never succeed” teachers left a lot of damage in their wake especially in the anxiety they spawned. When she started Jr. High last year i sent emails to all her teachers with the link to Susan Cains TED talk and implored them to watch it. I am unsure how many actually watched it but most of her teachers seem to be very adept at making their class room a comfort zone, safe place to learn for her and kids like her. It seems to be making a world of difference. Most peers don’t “get it” though ~ heres hoping someday!

    1. Claire on 09.01.2014 at 22:09 (Reply)

      Hi Lara,

      I know of a young teen who went through the same thing. She’s actually started a website for young people going through the sturggles of being accepeted as an introvert.

      Check out her site and contact her:

  5. Susan on 09.01.2014 at 12:42 (Reply)

    My quiet child won’t talk on the phone! You might get yes/ no answers to two or three questions in an email or text but that’s it.

  6. Alyssa on 09.01.2014 at 16:06 (Reply)

    This is pretty ironic-many of us introverts absolutely despise talking on the phone, especially to strangers! But good luck in your search.

  7. Alyson Jones on 10.01.2014 at 01:07 (Reply)

    14 year old son (twin) who is introverted and highly aware of this. Contact me at the email address if you want to follow up.

  8. Stefanie on 10.01.2014 at 03:37 (Reply)

    My daughter is 12 and has had similar feedback as the other comments here….’speak up more in class’. She’s a great student, does well in all academic areas, always a book with her - no matter what (safety net). Her favorite activity is theater. Loves to be in plays and always hopes for a good part, but also battles the bias with this. Knows her lines…and everyone else’s….Has done well in community theater and also loves to write plays, produce films with her flip camera, and write essays. Loves to sing. And yet….’needs to speak up in class’. Luckily she has a mom and dad (both introverts) who understand and support. I, too, have shared about ‘Quiet’ with all her teachers at this point. Some seem to get it…others just don’t. She would likely enjoy speaking to you.

    1. Claire on 10.01.2014 at 19:21 (Reply)

      Hi Stefanie,

      Please feel free to tell your daughter to visit this site and share her story if she wants. It’s by a young teenage introvert and she’s trying to help young people who are introverted and shy.

  9. Jukka on 10.01.2014 at 10:35 (Reply)

    I was told to speak up and get out of my shell in my early teenages. I’m on my 30′s not and I’m still sometimes “not available” for a quick call if I think I’m overstimulated or the caller is calling only for a call’s sake, having nothing to say.

    Parents, if your kid doesn’t answer your calls all the time, or they quickly end the call, or they don’t go babbling, it doesn’t instantly mean they’re up to something bad. They just could be up to something more interesting or meaningful.

  10. Lara Montano on 10.01.2014 at 13:40 (Reply)

    It looks wonderful. I saved the link for my daughter thank you so much!

  11. Christine on 10.01.2014 at 14:19 (Reply)

    I did as well… thank you so much for sharing this info!!

  12. Annie on 11.01.2014 at 13:55 (Reply)

    Hi, I’m a highly successful intelligent quality manager for a very busy company who regularly runs training sessions and presents every few weeks to the Board of Directors… and I just wanted to say… Introverts are quiet, not shy. That’s a common misconception. We don’t like talking loudly to big groups - mainly cos it’s exhausting and who wants to listen to all those opinions anyway?

    However put us in a situation we love, especially with our own friends… One where we feel comfortable and confident and on our own terms and we absolutely are not shy. In fact I personally can talk for England, if I’m with the right people.

    Unfortunately in a world that values extroverts more highly we are seen as shy. Mainly we’re just making up our minds whether it’s worth spending our energy and if we go quiet we have decided it’s not (if you’re ever in a meeting with an introvert and they go quiet, watch out, they’re planning something!)

    Give us space, stop assuming things and we shine, in our own special way. Not shy, just not interested in talking rubbish ;o) and for heavens sake stop telling children there’s something wrong with them! Introverts are the worlds thinkers and planners, we’re the scientists, analysts, the ones who lead through logic and fairness, we are outgoing and fun when we feel safe and, yes I HATE the phone with a passion - I’d far rather be face to face… Much friendlier :)

  13. Michelle DeCarlo on 13.01.2014 at 20:23 (Reply)

    My son is 7 years old and in 1st grade. He is very introverted and A.D.D. I’d love more information on how to better help my child. I am doing my own personal study on him and have already found some interesting observations.

  14. Celeste on 14.01.2014 at 12:18 (Reply)

    Hi, I just wanted to comment on something I noticed with my family. We get together 2-3 times a year, all the aunts, uncles, cousins & friends, who ever can make it. This year, our gathering was “open to the public” because we celebrated my Aunt’s bday. Lots of ppl came, ppl we all knew. the part I found most amassing is how 1/3 of us “wandered” away from the main group & sat in our own little area! All but 2 out of 23 ppl were close family members. Does being an introvert run in families?!? That is my question/observation.

    1. Noah on 16.01.2014 at 20:34 (Reply)

      To Celeste,

      I think being introverted runs in families as much as any other genetic trait does. If you read Marti Olsen Laney’s book The Introvert Advantage, she explains how the brains of Introverts work differently to those of Extroverts. Now if this is correct, then it makes sense that the physical differences in your brain would be passed on to your offspring. I came from a family of introverts, I am one as well. I married an extrovert. We have an introvert son and and extrovert son and daughter. I am also highly-sensitive (see Elaine Aaron’s work on same) and so is my son. Most HS people are introverts, but my son is HS and an extrovert.

  15. Christine on 24.01.2014 at 16:45 (Reply)

    Thanks Claire - perfect timing! P/T Conferences in 2 weeks!

Leave a comment

Quiet: The Book

- Wall Street Journal

Bill Gates names "The Power of Introverts" one of his all-time favorite TED Talks.

Best Nonfiction Book of 2012

QUIET has been voted the best nonfiction book of 2012


1. There’s a word for “people who are in their heads too much”: thinkers.

2. Our culture rightly admires risk-takers, but we need our “heed-takers” more than ever.

3. Solitude is a catalyst for innovation.

Read More

Join the Quiet Revolution
Susan on Facebook